ALLEGRO, SWIMMINGLY

There are so many things, modern science could do,
Cure all diseases, put dogs on the moon,
But there’s just one thing to make my wish come true,
I want all sharks lifted up from the deep blue!

I… want…
Sharks with legs, yes sharks with legs!
Running around wouldn’t that be great?
Why must they be bound to the ocean sea?
They should be up here on the land with me!

“Eggstein? No, he was a hack. Everyone went wild for Sharktopia!: The Musical!, but I never saw the appeal. Essentially it was about the twelve-hundredth rehash of Frankenstein meets Romeo and Juliet meets Hamilton-but-with-sharks meets Jaws. Yawn. Come on, do something original, you know? He even wrote himself into it for god’s sake! No one else notice? Dr. Professor Eggston? Who did he think he was kidding? We get it: you’re a tortured artist who died tragically young, get over yourself, asshole… Nice guy though.” – ‘Scary’ Mary Martin, quoted by Maurice Preskin (no relation) in ‘American Americana: Jerry Priskin and the Decline of the Musical!: An Autobiography by Maurice Preskin (no relation)’ by Maurice Preskin (no relation)

Sharks with legs, sharks with legs,
Don’t be scared just capitulate,
Instead of swimming around happily,
They could be helping our economy!

“Edwin Eggstein, acclaimed virtuoso, dancer, and socialite? Nah, never heard of him.” – local man

We could be selling sharks, buying sharks,
We could rent sharks even loan sharks.
Hammerheads would make perfect blacksmiths,
And how would you like to have a Great White dentist?

“But what was so powerful about Sharktopia!: The Musical! was its new angle on social commentary; fundamentally Eggston is all of us and we are him; his simultaneous fear of and flirtation with a humanoid shark uprising spoke to a generation of young men and women across the world who had witnessed such genetic monstrosities first hand and lived in constant terror that they might return and have their revenge. Terrible songs though.” – Espinosa Young in ‘Stage Right; No; Your Other Right!; The Jerry Priskin Story’ by Espinosa Young

Sharks with legs, sharks with legs,
Play nice and they won’t tear you to shreds,
They are not monsters just misunderstood,
Why can’t you see that they just want a hug?

“It’s not about the sharks, it’s not about the sharks, Ma! It’s about pain, it’s about love, it’s about sharks… And you’ll just never understand that. Edwin takes one last look at his mother before he turns and waks [sic] away onto the stage of the Antoinette Perry Awards for Excellence in Broadway Theatre.” – excerpt from the screenplay for Sharktopia!: The Musical!: The Biopic! by Harold & Andrew Rest and Ellen Vise from a story by Neil (no last name given).

Sharks with legs, it’s the only way,
For people to see that I’m not so deranged.
I’m brilliant, well-read, and boats full of fun,
But most of all I am completely alone…
But…
That will all change when I’ve made my new friends,
And they will stay with me until the deep end!

“What is this, Sharktopia?” – popular children’s saying

Everyone’s waiting for,
Sharks…! With…!
LEGS!

- Sharks With Legs performed by Dylan Miles, from Sharktopia!: The Musical! music, lyrics, choreography, and lighting by Edwin Eggstein.

ANAX